


i don't wanna love you anymore

by Schriftstellerexcerpts



Series: tangled up in you [5]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 06:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21503527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schriftstellerexcerpts/pseuds/Schriftstellerexcerpts
Summary: Chrissy offers a comforting hand and Nicole takes it. “I think you should talk to her,” she says.“She told me to never talk to her again,” Nicole reminds Chrissy.“So you’re just going to listen to her?” Chrissy asks, raising her eyebrows.“I’ve always listened to everything she says,” Nicole says.“Well, we should go back inside and you should ask that cute girl to dance,” Chrissy says. “If you want to get over Waverly, you’re going to have to move on.”
Relationships: Waverly Earp & Nicole Haught, Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught, Wynonna Earp/Doc Holliday
Series: tangled up in you [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1524716
Comments: 26
Kudos: 137





	i don't wanna love you anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, all. In this part, the gang has a New Year's party that doesn't turn out the best. Wynonna's an angry, hot mess. Nicole is hopelessly in love with a certain someone and she lets the emotions get the best of her. Doc's having mixed feelings. Chrissy lends a helping hand. Mercedes is ever the party planner. Jeremy has a maybe, kind-of boyfriend. Waverly's a mess. Shae flirts with Nicole. 
> 
> Hang in there. This one's a doozy. 
> 
> All feedback is welcome and thank you all for reading.

“So what’re we doing for New Years this year?” Wynonna asks as she hands Nicole a soda before she sits down on the couch next to Doc.

Nicole pops the tab on the soda can and takes a drink.

Dolls shrugs. “We could have a small get together or something,” he suggests.

“I like the way you think,” Wynonna says, pointing finger guns at him. She adds a wink as well. “A party sounds like a great idea.”

“Actually, I said…” Dolls tries, but stops himself mid-sentence. Arguing with Wynonna is a losing battle. “Yeah, a party would definitely be fun.”

Nicole grins behind the brim of her soda can.

Wynonna hits Doc on the shoulder excitedly. “Okay, okay,” she says, smiling. “This is gonna be good. We _definitely_ have to invite Robin, Jeremy. So the two of you can your grove on, if you catch my drift.”

Jeremy blushes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says.

“Puh-lease,” Wynonna drags out. “The way you look at him is like the way Nicole looks at Wa-“

“Okay,” Nicole says quickly, cutting Wynonna off. “Got it.”

Wynonna laughs softly. “Anyway, make sure to invite Robin,” she tells Jeremy.

“Where is this party gonna be?” Chrissy asks from her spot on the arm of the chair that Nicole is sitting in.

Wynonna strokes her chin, thinking long and hard. “ _Oh_ ,” she says, clapping her hands together. “Nicole owns a cabin a few miles out of town.”

“Actually my _dad_ owns a cabin a few miles out of town,” Nicole corrects Wynonna.

“Can’t you ask him if we can have the party there?” Wynonna asks.

“He’s not gonna let me have a party there,” Nicole says. “But if I were to ask him if a few of us could hangout there for the night, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

“I knew I loved you for a reason, Haught,” Wynonna says.

Nicole rolls her eyes and takes a drink of her soda.

“Wait,” Jeremy says, leaning forward in his seat. “Nicole, don’t you celebrate New Year’s with your parents every year at the — _Ow_!” He rubs at his arm and glares at Wynonna.

Wynonna raises her eyebrows at him.

Jeremy’s quiet for a moment before he comes to realization. “Oh,” he says sheepishly. “My bad. Sensitivity training, Jeremy,” he mumbles to himself.

“So the cabin, Nicole?” Wynonna says, side-eyeing Jeremy.

Nicole nods. “I’ll ask my dad,” she says.

“Great,” Wynonna says, crossing one leg over the other.

“What’s the dress code for this event?” Mercedes asks from the corner of Nicole’s living room. She’s got her phone plugged into the charger, texting some guy she met a couple of weeks ago in the Big City.

“Casual,” Wynonna says, leaning into Doc.

“Casual, my ass,” Mercedes scoffs, setting her phone down. She stands up and looks at Nicole. “You know that this event has to be black tie, right?”

Nicole furrows her eyebrows. “Why exactly?” She asks.

Mercedes puts her hands on her hips. “It’s New Years,” she says, as if it’s obvious.

“Which means…?” Nicole asks, looking around the room to see if she’s the only one who’s lost in this conversation.

“Which means,” Mercedes continues, “that we have to look nice. Do you seriously want to be kissing someone at midnight while dressed in _that_?” She gestures to Nicole’s black skinny jeans and a tucked-in red t-shirt.

Wynonna laughs hysterically. “Damn, Mercedes, you didn’t have to drag Haught like that,” she says.

Nicole sinks back into her chair.

Mercedes waves Wynonna off. “That wasn’t a jab a you, Nicole,” she tells Nicole. “Well, it kind of was,” she adds, shrugging. “Anyway, we all need to dress up for this special occasion.”

“Special occasion?” Dolls asks. “It’s New Years, not the Met Gala.”

“You know what the Met Gala is?” Wynonna asks, raising her eyebrows.

Dolls shrugs. “Chrissy showed me a video of the best dressed people at last year’s Met Gala,” he tells Wynonna.

“Who are you and what have you done with the Xavier Dolls I know?” Wynonna asks teasingly.

Dolls ignores her. “So I would have to wear a suit?” He asks Mercedes.

Wynonna purrs. “You certainly will,” she says.

Doc clears his throat. “I am right here,” he says.

Wynonna kisses his cheek to make up for it. “Relax,” she says.

Mercedes clasps her hands together. “It’s settled, then,” she says, smiling. “I, of course, will be the best dressed one there, but you guys can try and compete.”

Nicole chugs the rest of her soda. “I’m gonna go get another soda,” she says, standing up.

“Me, too,” Chrissy says, standing up and following Nicole into the kitchen.

Nicole eyes Chrissy as she opens the refrigerator. “You didn’t even have a soda in the first place,” she says slowly.

Chrissy shrugs. “I want one,” she says. “Could you hand me a Sprite?”

“The Sprite is _mine_ ,” Nicole says.

Chrissy frowns. “Didn’t your pre-school teacher teach you how to share?” She asks.

Nicole hands Chrissy a Sprite. “Funny,” she mutters.

“So are you gonna be okay with this whole party thing?” Chrissy asks before Nicole can leave the kitchen.

Nicole turns on the balls of her feet. “Why wouldn’t I be?” She asks.

Chrissy opens her Sprite and takes a drink out of it. “Well, obviously Waverly’s going to be there,” she says.

Nicole looks away. “Waverly isn’t here,” she points out.

Waverly hasn’t been hanging out with them recently because she’s been spending all of her time with Champ. She blows Nicole off for Champ every day after school and she even missed their dinner plans the other day to hangout with Champ. Everyone’s noticed Waverly’s decline from the group, but no one has said anything about it. Nicole sure as hell hasn’t said anything about it.

“But she’s going to be _there_ ,” Chrissy says. “With Champ,” she adds.

“What do I care if she’s with him?” Nicole asks, turning back around the walk out of the kitchen. “And who even knows if she’s actually going to show up,” she says under her breath.

“Nicole,” Chrissy calls, following her out of the kitchen.

Nicole ignores her and goes back to her chair. “So I guess I had better go out and buy a new suit,” she says.

“Oh, let’s go to the Big City and go shopping,” Wynonna says. “I need a new cocktail dress.”

“Do you even own a cocktail dress?” Nicole asks.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Wynonna teases, winking.

Nicole’s face turns red and she looks away from Wynonna.

Chrissy sits back down on the arm rest of the chair that Nicole’s sitting in. “Mind if I tag along?” She asks.

Nicole looks up and meets Chrissy’s eyes. “For sure,” she says.

Chrissy smiles.

“I already know that Waves is gonna want to come, too,” Wynonna says.

“Yeah, if she’s not with Champ,” Chrissy says flatly.

Everyone looks at her.

“What? Someone had to say it,” she says.

Nicole chokes on her Sprite.

Wynonna clenches her jaw. “She needs to break up with the weasel,” she says.

Nicole scratches her head. “Wynonna…” she says softly.

“I know, Nicole,” Wynonna spits out, then her face softens. “Sorry. I just don’t like that guy.”

“None of us do,” Jeremy says.

Wynonna grumbles something, then gets up and walks into the kitchen.

Nicole sighs and sets her soda can down on the coffee table. “Excuse me,” she says before following Wynonna into kitchen. “Hey, what’s going on?” She asks Wynonna once they’re in the kitchen.

Wynonna puts one of her hands on top of the counter island and leans into it. “Champ Hardy is a fucking rat bastard,” she says through gritted teeth.

“You’re preaching to the choir, Earp,” Nicole says.

Wynonna closes her eyes so tightly that it makes Nicole dizzy. “I caught him on top of her last week,” she tells Nicole.

Nicole blinks a few times, her eyebrows practically sewn together. “What?” She asks.

Wynonna opens her eyes and looks at Nicole. “He was on top of her, Nicole,” she says again. “Like _on top of_ her on top of her.”

“Like…” Nicole trails off, making some hand motions to try and explain what she’s trying to ask. “Like… _that_?”

Wynonna nods. “Exactly like that,” she says. “I flipped out on him so bad. Waverly had to pull me away from him.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before now?” Nicole asks.

“Because I didn’t want to talk about it,” Wynonna tells her. “You should’ve seen it, Nicole. I told him to put his dick away before I chopped it off. I mean, what the fuck was Waverly thinking? Why would she ever let that douchebag touch her like that?”

Nicole tries not to picture Champ on top of Waverly in her head. She blinks the thought out of her head and focuses on Wynonna. “We can’t control who she’s with, Wynonna,” she says.

“I fucking know that,” Wynonna says, her hands balling into fists. “He doesn’t deserve her.”

“I know,” Nicole agrees.

“Then why aren’t you fucking doing anything about it?” Wynonna asks, pointing an accusing finger at Nicole.

“I don’t have a say in what Waverly does and doesn’t do,” Nicole says. “And neither do you. She’s her own person.”

“He was on top of her, Nicole,” Wynonna practically shouts and Nicole has to look behind her just to make sure that no one can hear them talking. “He…he was naked and on top of her.”

Nicole clenches her jaw. “Stop it, Wynonna,” she warns.

“She was naked, too,” Wynonna continues, walking closer to Nicole. “He was touching her and…and _kissing_ her.”

Nicole sucks in a breath. “Stop,” she warns again.

“He had her,” Wynonna tells Nicole. “He _fucked_ her.”

“I said stop it!” Nicole yells, scaring even herself. She ignores the burning in her eyes.

“He defiled my baby sister,” Wynonna says. “I don’t know about you, but I’m not okay with that.”

“She’s not my baby sister,” Nicole points out.

Wynonna shoves Nicole back into the wall. “Yeah, well, she is your friend, dumbass,” she spits out. “You could at least act like you care about her.”

Nicole swallows hard. “Look, if Waverly wanted to lose her virginity to that pig, then that was her choice,” she says.

Wynonna snarls. “She’s a Freshman,” she says.

Nicole shrugs. “If she felt like she was ready, then she was ready,” she says.

“You know what? I don’t need your fucking mommy logic,” Wynonna tells her. “I need you to be my friend right now.”

“I am your friend,” Nicole assures her. “I’m always your friend.”

“Then can you act like you care that Waverly fucked Champ?” Wynonna asks.

Nicole looks away.

“You can’t even admit it,” Wynonna says.

Nicole bites down on her tongue.

“You can’t even admit that it bothers you that Waverly’s dating that scumbag,” Wynonna says.

Nicole’s eyes fill with tears.

“Do you even care?” Wynonna asks.

Nicole looks at Wynonna and pushes her backwards. “Of course I care,” she pushes out, grabbing a fist full of Wynonna’s shirt. “And fuck you for thinking that I don’t.” She lets go of Wynonna and walks back into the living room. She grabs her soda can and storms up the stairs and into her bedroom.

“What’s with her?” Chrissy asks.

Wynonna sighs. “I’m an asshole. That’s what’s with her,” she says before she plops back onto the couch.

Mercedes rolls up her phone charger and shoves it into her purse. “I’ll see you guys at the party this weekend,” she says, smiling. “Kate’s on her way to pick me up.”

“Kate Cummings?” Wynonna asks. She looks at Doc, then back at Mercedes. “You’re friends with Kate Cummings now?”

Mercedes shrugs. “We got slurpies together before Winter Break started,” she says. “She’s pretty nice. Plus she introduced me to this cute college guy.”

Wynonna rolls her eyes.

Jeremy stands up. “I think I’m gonna head out, too,” he says. “Robin invited me over to watch a movie.”

“Have fun,” Chrissy says.

Wynonna stands up again. “I need something stronger than soda,” she says before she disappears into the kitchen.

“I’m gonna go to the gym,” Dolls says. “Then go and search my closet for a suit. I’ll catch you guys later.”

Pretty soon, everyone is gone except for Chrissy. Doc said that he had to go work on his car shortly after Wynonna returned from the kitchen with a couple of beers.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Wynonna asks, propping her legs up onto the coffee table.

Chrissy moves over to sit next to Wynonna on the couch. “No,” she says.

Wynonna takes a swig from her beer. “Shouldn’t you be hanging out with my baby sister?” She asks.

“Shouldn’t you?” Chrissy fires back.

“Touché,” Wynonna says. She grabs the remote from off of the armrest and clicks through the channels. “Don’t expect me to talk to you, though.”

Chrissy laughs and grabs the other beer that’s setting on the coffee table. “I don’t expect that at all,” she says, popping the cap on the beer bottle.

—

Nicole stares at the picture of Waverly on her desk. It’s mocking her, tantalizing her even. Her knee bounces up and down as she stares at the picture. She fights the images of Champ and Waverly that are forcing their way into her brain. It’s almost enough to make her scream and cry out in rage.

She tries to look away from the picture, but she can’t. She can hear Waverly’s voice in her ear.

“I had sex with Champ,” the picture says and Nicole has to rub her eyes and plug her ears in order for it to stop.

_“I don’t wanna love you anymore,”_ LANY sings. _“From the start, I never thought I’d say this before, but I don’t wanna love you anymore.”_

Nicole opens her eyes and charges at the picture. She grabs it and chucks it against her wall. It shatters into pieces and Nicole leans over and grabs the picture of Waverly. She tears it up and throws it in the small trashcan by her desk.

She wipes the tears that seemed to have escaped from her eyes. She sniffles and kicks one of the legs of her desk. She puts her hands on her head and paces her room.

“Nicole?” She hears from the entrance of her bedroom.

Nicole continues pacing and ignores Wynonna.

“What happened?” Wynonna asks when she notices the broken glass on Nicole’s bedroom floor.

“Nothing,” Nicole grumbles, sniffling.

Wynonna walks into Nicole’s bedroom and watches Nicole pace.

After a few minutes, Nicole stops pacing and looks at Wynonna. “Waverly’s with Champ,” she says, her voice filled with nothing but sadness.

“I know,” Wynonna says. “She has been for quite some time now.”

“She had sex with Champ,” Nicole says, her voice catching in her throat.

Wynonna looks down.

“She had sex with Champ,” Nicole says again, her chin quivering. “Wynonna, she…”

“I know, Haught,” Wynonna says softly. She leans up against the side of Nicole’s desk.

“I care about her,” Nicole tells Wynonna.

“I know you do,” Wynonna says.

“Champ doesn’t deserve her,” Nicole says. She swallows the lump in her throat.

Wynonna nods.

“He doesn’t fucking deserve her, Wynonna!” Nicole shouts, giving into the tears. She looks down as she cries. She tries to stop her body from shaking, but it’s no use. Her sorrow has filled her whole body and is now falling right out of her, one tear at a time.

Wynonna walks over to Nicole and rubs a soothing hand up and down her back. “You’re right,” she says. “He doesn’t deserve her.”

“Then why is she with him?” Nicole asks, her voice barely audible through the tears; through her pain. She leans into Wynonna’s open arms and cries into her shoulder. _Why isn’t she with me?_ She almost asks.

“I’m not sure,” Wynonna says.

Nicole clings onto Wynonna for dear life. She cries until no more tears come out. Even when she can’t cry anymore, her body still shakes. Her pain is more significant than dried up tears. This kind of pain, this sorrow makes her stomach churn and she can feel it all the way to her toes.

“Sorry,” Nicole murmurs, pulling away from Wynonna.

“Don’t be,” Wynonna says. The whole left side of her t-shirt by her collar is wet. “Feelings need to be felt.”

Nicole wipes at her face. “We don’t really talk about feelings,” she points out.

Wynonna shrugs. “You’re my friend,” is all she says and it’s enough.

_“Oh, the habits of my heart. I can’t say no,”_ Jaymes Young sings. “ _It’s ripping me apart. You get too close. You make it hard to let you go.”_

“Did everyone leave?” Nicole asks.

Wynonna nods. “They all left a little while ago,” she says. “Chrissy stayed back, though, but she just left. She had to be home for dinner.”

“Do you like Doc?” Nicole asks.

Wynonna doesn’t say anything. She just stands there, her silhouette reflecting through the glass and Nicole is almost blinded by the beauty the night brings in. The way it rests on Wynonna’s skin, as if she were made to stand right there and glow in the night. The Earp’s are nothing short of beautiful in the way that they exist. “I don’t know,” Wynonna admits.

Nicole takes in a deep breath, then lets it out. There’s so much weighing not those three words. Wynonna’s never been sure of anything in her life. She’s always the one to fall into happiness, then back out of it like she was never meant to be there. She likes to change her mind. No one ever knows what her next move is going to be and that’s something that Nicole adores and dislikes about her. “Okay,” she says, her voice coming out as a whisper.

Wynonna has to look from Nicole so she can compose herself. This is why they don’t do the whole feelings thing. It’s too much. They’re the two people in Purgatory who swallow their feelings, but they’re also the two people in Purgatory who feel things beyond anyone else’s belief. When they feel something, they feel it with their entire being. So they swallow their sorrow and pain and sometimes their happiness because why should anyone ever get to know how they feel inside when they couldn’t care less about the outside?

“Doc is nice,” Wynonna says, finally looking back at Nicole.

Nicole finds comfort in picking at her nail. She knows it’s going to bleed eventually, but what does she care? Blood means that she’s still here; she’s still breathing. “He is,” she agrees.

Wynonna doesn’t say anything else about Doc. Instead, she sits down at Nicole’s desk and starts to doodle on a sticky note.

Nicole is silent. Truth is, she’s always loved the silence. It gives her space to think without having to really say how she feels. She closes her eyes for a moment, if only to take in this moment of peace.

It doesn’t last long.

She sees Waverly. They’re back in middle school and Waverly’s smiling at her from across the room. Nicole swallows hard as she watches Waverly look at her. Right there is Nicole’s whole universe, all tangled up into one person.

Nicole’s eyes snap open when she hears a door open and close downstairs. She doesn’t go to see who it is because she has a pretty good idea of who it is.

“It’s probably Waverly,” Wynonna says, not looking up from her doodles.

Nicole nods and she stays glued to the floor as she listens to the footsteps come up the stairs and into her bedroom. She still can’t move when Waverly greets her and smiles at her.

“What’re you guys doing?” Waverly asks.

Nicole can’t bare to look at her.

Wynonna sets the pen down and turns to Waverly. “We’re just hanging out,” she says, glancing at Nicole.

Waverly walks further into Nicole’s bedroom and frowns at the broken glass on the floor. “What happened?” She asks.

Wynonna clears her throat. “Um…” she tries, trailing off. “Haught and I were tossing a ball in here and it hit the picture frame.”

Waverly eyes Nicole, who won’t even so much as glance her way. “Okay, then,” she says. “Chrissy texted me and said that there’s gonna be a party at Nicole’s dad’s log cabin on New Year’s.”

“Yeah,” Wynonna says, returning to her doodle. “Champ isn’t invited, though.”

Waverly scoffs. “He’s my boyfriend, Wynonna,” she says.

“Don’t care,” Wynonna says. “He’s not invited.”

Waverly crosses her arms over her chest and huffs. “Well, it’s not your cabin,” she says. “It’s Nicole’s.”

“It’s Nicole’s dad,” Wynonna fires back.

Waverly turns to Nicole. “Nicole, could you…?” She says.

Suddenly J. Ember’s voice sounds way too loud for this moment in time.

_“Time goes by and I’m still alone. Even when I’m next to you.”_

Nicole finally looks at Waverly, her eyes burning. She shoves her hands into the front pockets of her jeans. “Do what you want, Waves,” she says, brushing by Waverly and going downstairs.

Wynonna lets out a long sigh. “I have to follow her,” she says, standing up. “She’s my…” she trails off and heads for the door.

“She can’t even look at me,” Waverly breathes out, her eyes glistening with tears. “Wynonna, why can’t she look at me? What did I do?”

Wynonna stops walking and freezes. “She just…” she stops, sighing. “She just needs a minute, okay?”

Waverly tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Look, Wynonna, we didn’t get to properly discuss what you walked in on last week and-“

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Wynonna says, interrupting Waverly.

“Wynonna…” Waverly tries.

Wynonna shakes her head. “No, Waverly,” she spits out. “It’s one thing that you chose to date that piece of shit, but it’s another thing for you to let him do _that_ to you.”

“I love him, Wynonna,” Waverly says.

“That’s rich,” Wynonna says, letting out a humorless laugh. “You’ve been dating him for,what, five minutes?”

“So?” Waverly says.

“ _So_ ,” Wynonna drags out. “You don’t even know what love is, let alone know if you’re in love with him.”

“I do, too, know what love is,” Waverly says.

“Whatever, Waves,” Wynonna says, rolling her eyes. She winces when she hears the front door slam so loudly downstairs that it practically shakes the whole house. “Look, if you care about Nicole at all, then you won’t invite Champ to the New Year’s party.”

“You’re not her keeper, Wynonna,” Waverly says, her jaw clenched.

“Yeah, well, I’m her friend,” Wynonna says. “You’re supposed to be her friend, too.”

“I _am_ her friend,” Waverly says.

“Then why aren’t you ever around?” Wynonna asks, her voice on the verge of yelling.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” Waverly says, giving Wynonna a pointed look.

“Okay, Waves,” Wynonna breathes out, shaking her head. “Just keep in mind what I said about Nicole.” She marches down the steps and goes outside. Nicole’s car is gone. “Great,” she says underneath her breath.

—

Nicole loves the adrenaline rush she gets when she flies down the highway. There’s just something about it that makes her feel so free. Add music to the mix and she’s perfectly content.

Her hands grip the steering wheel so tight that her fingertips turn white, but she doesn’t have it in herself to care. And when “Thru These Tears” by LANY comes on, Nicole clenches her jaw because this is her and Waverly’s band. She can’t even count the amount of times that she and Waverly have danced around Nicole’s living room while listening to them.

It’s in this moment that Nicole realizes that she needs to get over Waverly. Because they’re never going to be together. Waverly’s with Champ and she’s all about him. Nicole doesn’t fit into that mix. She never has. Truth is, she’s tired of silently devoting herself to Waverly when Waverly’s never going to feel the same way about her.

And that hits her heart like a bullet, shattering it into pieces. Ironically, Waverly’s the only one who’s ever going to be able to repair it. Piece by piece, though, she’ll learn to fix it herself.

She pulls into the lake and pulls out her phone. She’s got a text from Wynonna.

_From Wynonna Earp, 8:25 P.M: Where are you?_

_To Wynonna Earp, 8:45 P.M: Lake. Be home later. Don’t wait up._

She sighs because this isn’t fair to Wynonna. She’s been so engulfed in Waverly that she hasn’t been paying much attention to Wynonna. There’s another thing that needs to stop. She loves Wynonna, more than she can ever hold in her heart. A part of her knows that Wynonna has some sort of knowledge of Nicole’s feelings for Waverly. It’s an unspoken truth. Maybe it’ll always be that way.

_To Waverly Earp, 8:50 P.M: You can bring Champ to the party. I seriously don’t care. See you on Saturday._

_From Waverly Earp, 8:51 P.M: Wynonna seems to think otherwise. But okay._

Nicole furrows her eyebrows. What does she mean Wynonna seems to think otherwise? She shakes it off and looks out at the lake. The way the moon is reflecting on the water, as if outlining all of it’s beautiful parts, makes Nicole’s heart soar.

“We could swim,” Waverly had suggested during the summer, only a few weeks after Nicole’s mom had left.

“I don’t think that’s very sanitary, Waves,” Nicole had said, ignoring the way her heart was singing at the way Waverly was looking at her.

“So? Let’s be wild for once,” Waverly had said, determination in her voice and a look on her face that had Nicole’s stomach doing somersaults.

“Wild and free,” Nicole had breathed out as she watched Waverly walk towards the lake, already stripped of her shirt.

Waverly had turned around, her body glowing in the pale moonlight. “You coming?” She had asked.

And like a dog on leash, Nicole had jumped off of the hood of her car. “I’d follow you through the deepest depths of the ocean and across the driest desert if it would make you happy, Waverly Earp,” she had whispered to herself as she watched Waverly splash around in the lake.

“Stop thinking about her, Haught,” Nicole tells herself. “She was with Champ then and she’s with Champ now.”

Nicole’s never going to be able to escape Waverly Earp. She’s everywhere in this town and she might as well be tattooed on Nicole’s mind.

She throws her car in reverse and drives back home. When she pulls into her driveway, she notices that the only light that’s on in the house is the guest bedroom. Well, it’s technically Wynonna’s bedroom now because she hasn’t gone home in months.

When Nicole gets inside, she walks up the stairs and into Wynonna’s bedroom. “Hey,” she offers, leaning up against the doorframe.

Wynonna mutes the TV and looks at Nicole. “Hey,” she says.

Nicole clears her throat. “Waves texted me,” she says. “Said something about you thinking otherwise about me being okay with Champ coming to the New Year’s party?”

Wynonna shrugs.

“Wynonna,” Nicole tries, walking further into the bedroom.

“Look, all I told her was to not invite him for your sake,” Wynonna tells her.

“For my sake?” Nicole asks.

Wynonna nods. “I know it’s hard for you to see her with him,” she says.

Nicole worries her bottom lip between her teeth. Of course Wynonna knows. She’s the one who’s always been there. She was there when Nicole’s mom left. She was there before that, for the first time Nicole cried over Waverly. And she’s here now, protecting her heart without Nicole even realizing it.

“It is hard,” Nicole agrees. “But she’s happy, Wynonna. I have to respect that.”

“Do you love her?” Wynonna asks softly, staring at Nicole with so much love and respect in her eyes. It’s too much, more than she deserves.

Nicole stares out of the window at the darkness. The only light is coming from the street lamp and it makes the road glow. “It’s not that simple,” she says, looking at Wynonna.

“I think you do,” Wynonna says. “I’ve kinda known it ever since that time you saw Waverly flirting with some guy back when she was in sixth grade. You completely blew your top.”

Nicole rubs the back of her neck. “I…” she trails off.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Haught,” Wynonna says.

Nicole’s always adorn moments like this with Wynonna. The ones where Wynonna stares at her lovingly, saying everything she hardly ever says. Moments like this are so soft and they don’t come about often.

“Okay,” Nicole says, smiling softly at Wynonna. She climbs into the bed and sits next to Wynonna. “How are you?”

Wynonna shrugs. “I’m good,” she says. “Tired, though.”

“Me, too,” Nicole says.

Wynonna leans her head on Nicole’s shoulder. “We’re gonna be alright, Haught,” she says softly. “It’s always gonna be you and me against the world.”

Nicole smiles, kissing the top of Wynonna’s head. “You and me,” she says, grabbing Wynonna’s hand and tangling their fingers together. She kisses Wynonna’s hand.

They fall asleep like that.

—

The morning of New Year’s Eve is a bittersweet one. Perry and Chrissy offered to to decorate the cabin and Nicole was most definitely not going to tell them no. Wynonna’s been staring at the dress she picked out in the Big City nonstop since she got it, but Nicole knows it’s not because of the dress itself. It’s because Wynonna’s uneasy about the party. She found out Dolls is bringing some girl he met a few counties over and she shouldn’t care because she’s basically with Doc, but still. Nicole’s been dreading the party because she doesn’t want to see Waverly with Champ. The two of them will probably be glued at the hip and Nicole vows to herself that she’s going to try and be nice about it for Waverly’s sake. Mercedes, of course, couldn’t be more excited about the party. No one’s heard from Waverly and Wynonna’s been mumbling about Champ all morning.

“Do I _have_ to wear this thing?” Wynonna asks Nicole for the billionth time this morning. Her dress is hanging up in the living room on a clothing rack that Nicole had specifically bought for Wynonna when she started sleeping over more and more.

Nicole swallows the mouthful of cereal she has in her mouth. “No,” she says. “You could wear a tux.”

Wynonna makes a face. “I think tux’s are more your thing, topnotch,” she says.

Nicole shrugs. “I think you’d look like a badass in one,” she tells Wynonna.

“You bet your shorts I would look like a badass in one,” Wynonna says, a smug grin on her face. “I bet you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off of me if I had a tux on.”

Nicole smiles. Oh, her best friend. Ever the joker. “Put one on and we’ll see where the night takes us,” she teases, winking.

Wynonna sticks her tongue out at Nicole. “Save that talk for my sister,” she says.

Nicole looks down at her cereal bowl.

“Oh, stop,” Wynonna says. “You don’t have to act like a lost puppy every time I mention Waverly.”

Nicole looks at Wynonna and puffs out her chest. “I’m not,” she says.

Wynonna turns her attention back to the red dress she picked out. It’s long with a slit on the side. “Will you kiss me at midnight?” She asks, her hands on her hips as she stares at the dress.

Nicole chokes on the leftover milk from her cereal. “What?” She asks.

“Well, I don’t know if I want to kiss Doc,” Wynonna says. “I mean, he’s a good kisser and all, but I just feel like if I kiss him at midnight, then he’ll think that the two of us are official or something.”

“Don’t you want the two of you to be official?” Nicole asks as she puts her bowl in the sink.

“No,” Wynonna says. “I don’t know,” she groans, dropping her head back in exasperation. “He treats me good, but I just don’t know if I’m ready for…all of that.”

Nicole nods. “For sure,” she says.

“So will you kiss me at midnight?” Wynonna asks again.

“Oh, you were serious?” Nicole questions, raising her eyebrows. “Uh, I don’t know, Earp.” She rubs the back of her neck.

“Well, who are you going to kiss?” Wynonna asks. “Mercedes? I’m sure Waves would _love_ that.”

Nicole furrows her eyebrows. “This isn’t about Waverly,” she says sternly.

“Then kiss me at midnight,” Wynonna says. “It’s just a peck, Nicole. We’ve kissed before, remember? At Stephanie Jones’ party in eighth grade.”

“Yes, I remember,” Nicole says. “That was different, though. It was a dare.”

“Dare shmare,” Wynonna says, waving a dismissive hand. “Look, it doesn’t mean anything. We’re just friends, you goof. Unless you wanna be something more,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” Waverly had said after Nicole saw her and Champ kissing for the first time.

Nicole just stares at Wynonna.

“Because I would so bone with you,” Wynonna continues, biting her bottom lip.

Nicole breathes heavily and she’s sure that she’s about to pass out.

Wynonna bursts into laughter, slapping her knee. “I so got you,” she busts out. “You should’ve seen the look on your face.”

“You’re an asshole,” Nicole grumbles.

“Want me to kiss you and make it better?” Wynonna asks, teasing.

Nicole glares at her. “I’m not kissing you at midnight,” she huffs just as there’s a knock on the door. She walks into the entry way and opens the door. “Waves?” She questions when she sees Waverly standing there with mascara running down her face and her face pale. “What happened?”

“Can I come in?” Waverly asks, sniffling.

Nicole nods and steps to the side so that Waverly can come in. She shuts the door behind Waverly. “What’s going on?” She asks.

“Champ broke up with me,” Waverly sobs out. “He said…he said that I’m good enough for him and that he could do so much better. He told me that I don’t put out for him as much as his other girlfriends did.”

Nicole clenches her jaw. “He’s a douchebag,” she says.

“Do you want me to beat his ass?” Wynonna asks from her spot next to Waverly.

Waverly shakes her head. “No,” she says. “I’m okay. I just don’t understand why he broke up with me all of a sudden.”

“That’s typically what assholes do after they get in your pants,” Wynonna tells Waverly.

Nicole wipes the tears off of Waverly’s cheek. “It’s gonna be okay, you hear me?” She says softly. “Forget about that jerk. He’s the one who doesn’t deserve you. Gosh, Waves, you were made to make this world your own. You’re meant to soar. He’s just gonna hold you back from doing so.”

“You think so?” Waverly asks through her tears.

“I know so,” Nicole says. She pulls Waverly into her arms and kisses the top of her head. “You’re gonna be so great without him, Waves. You’re the sun and he’s just a stupid cloud taking up all of your light.”

Waverly grips onto Nicole. “You always know what to say,” she says into Nicole’s chest.

“Listen to me, we’re gonna have the best time tonight, okay?” Nicole says. “We’re gonna get all dressed up and dance the night away into the New Year.”

“You’ll dance with me?” Waverly asks.

Nicole nods. “I’d dance with you for all of eternity if that’s what you wanted,” she admits.

It makes Nicole’s heart sing at how much she means that sentence. She can never get over loving Waverly Earp. Her name is already tattooed on Nicole’s heart.

“You’re sweet,” Waverly says, looking up at Nicole. “You’re always taking care of me.”

Nicole cups Waverly’s cheek with one of her hands and rubs her thumb soothingly over it. “I’m going to go run you a bath. I know how much those calm you down. I’ll even light some candles.”

Waverly leans into Nicole’s hand. “You’d do that for me?” She asks.

“I’d do a lot of things to you,” Nicole breathes out.

“For…for me,” Waverly stutters.

Nicole’s eyes go wide. “That, too,” she quickly says.

Wynonna stifles her laughter.

Nicole glares at Wynonna before she pulls away from Waverly. “I’m gonna go run you that bath,” she says, pointing her thumb over her shoulder.

“Nice one, Haught,” Wynonna whispers as Nicole walks past her. She pats her on the shoulder.

“Can it, Wynonna,” Nicole mutters before she goes upstairs.

She goes to the bathroom and runs the bath. She looks underneath the sink for Wynonna’s bath bombs. She remembers when Wynonna came home with them a little over a month ago.

“They dissolve in the bath water, Nicole,” Wynonna had said. “And they smell amazing. Judge me all you want, but I’m going to be smelling like a meadow.”

Nicole laughs at the memory as she drops a bath bomb into the bath water. She pours some BubbleBath in there as well because Waverly loves bubbles. She grabs the speaker out of her room and hooks up her phone. She plays some Taylor Swift music, Waverly’s favorite.

She dims the lights, too, so it all comes together. She goes back downstairs and tells Waverly that the bath is ready to go.

“My dress is at home,” Waverly says. “I don’t have any clothes to change into.”

“Wynonna’s probably got something laying around here that you could wear,” Nicole tells her.

“Yeah,” Wynonna agrees. “Just got into my room and look, babygirl.”

“Thanks, guys,” Waverly says, smiling.

“Anytime, Waves,” Nicole says.

Once Waverly’s gone, Wynonna makes a beeline for the door.

“What’re you doing?” Nicole asks.

Wynonna grabs her leather jacket. “I’m going to go and talk to that weasel,” she says.

“No, you’re not,” Nicole says. “Waverly said that she doesn’t want you talking to him.”

“I don’t care,” Wynonna says. “He needs punched in the face. Or the dick.”

“Wynonna,” Nicole warns.

Wynonna huffs. “I’m pissed, Nicole,” she says. “Aren’t you?”

“Of course I am,” Nicole says. “But Waves needs us right now.”

Wynonna reaches for the doorknob and pulls the door open. Nicole shivers at the sudden rush of cold air. “I’ll be back in a little bit,” she says.

“Wynonna, c’mon,” Nicole says, but it’s too late. Wynonna’s already slammed the door in her face.

Nicole shouldn’t have expected anything less from Wynonna. There’s no arguing with Wynonna when she’s angry.

Nicole plops down onto the couch and sighs. It’s already been a day and it’s not even noon yet. She feels inner exhaustion take over her body as she sits there and stares at the blank wall. There used to be family pictures on that wall. There was one of the three of them, all happy and smiling at the camera. There was also one of just Nicole with her mom. Nicole was in middle school at the time that the picture was taken. Her mom was cupping Nicole’s cheeks and smiling at her like the world depended on it. The last picture was one of just Nicole and her dad, which is ironic considering the circumstances now. It was a picture of the two of them hugging and it always filled Nicole’s body with warmth.

Nicole took the pictures down shortly after her mom left. She had a breakdown and threw all three of them across the room, making them shatter into pieces. That seems to be her thing when she’s mad. Pictures are too vulnerable to Nicole; they hold too many memories and emotions. Destroying them is like setting the memory on fire and, boy, does it feel good to watch them burn.

Nicole must’ve dosed off because she’s awaken to the sight of Waverly Earp looking down at her, a soft smile on her face. Nicole’s sure she’s still dreaming because no one’s ever looked at her quite the way Waverly does. It makes Nicole want to reach out to her and tell her how she feels. _I am so in love with you. Please don’t ever leave me like my mom did. I don’t think I could take it._

“Starshine,” Nicole breathes out, a lovestruck grin on her sleepy face.

Waverly beams. “You usually just call me Waves,” she says.

Realizing that she definitely isn’t still dreaming, Nicole jolts up and blushes. “Must’ve dozed while sitting here,” she says, making an attempt to fix her disheveled hair.

Waverly sits down next to her on the couch and Nicole’s nose is filled with the smell of roses and lavender. “Where’s Wynonna?” Waverly asks.

Nicole looks at the clock on the wall. It’s been an hour since Wynonna left. “She went to talk to Champ,” she tells Waverly.

Waverly raises her eyebrows. “She did what now?” She asks.

“She-“

“No, I heard you,” Waverly says, interrupting Nicole. “I specifically asked her not to talk to him and what does she go and do?”

“She’s got her own way of dealing, Waves,” Nicole says.

“Yeah, and you encourage her,” Waverly says.

“No, I don’t,” Nicole defends. “I tried to get her to stay, but she was insistent. You know how she gets.”

“I know that you always give into her,” Waverly says.

“I do not,” Nicole argues.

“Please,” Waverly scoffs. “She’s got you wrapped around her finger.”

_You both do_ , Nicole thinks to herself. “Did you hit your head when you were in the bath or something, Waves?” She asks.

Waverly shoves playfully at Nicole’s shoulder. “Bite me, Nicole Haught,” she says.

Nicole smiles and tucks a strand of hair behind Waverly’s ear. “You sure you’re alright?” She asks.

Waverly nods. “I’ve got you,” she says softly.

Nicole’s heartbeat is in her ears. “You’ve always had me,” she reminds Waverly. _More than you know._ “Waverly, I-“

“I put that jackass in his place,” Wynonna says as she bursts through the door. “You can thank me later, Waves.”

Waverly stands up and glares at Wynonna. “Did you really feel the need to go and talk to him?” She asks.

“I sure did, sis,” Wynonna says. “Though there wasn’t much talking. I punched him in the dick.”

Nicole tries to hold back her laughter, but it’s no use. She laughs so hard that her stomach hurts.

Wynonna join in her laughter. “He was almost in tears,” she tells Nicole and Nicole laughs even harder.

Waverly points an accusing finger at Nicole. “You,” she spits out, warning in her voice.

Nicole tries to slow down her laughter. “Oh, c’mon, Waves,” she says through her laughter. “It’s hilarious. You gotta admit it.”

It takes Waverly a moment, but she eventually joins in the laughter and the three of them stand there for who knows how long laughing. By the time they’re done laughing, all three of their stomach’s hurt.

“I think that deserves some soda,” Wynonna says, walking into the kitchen and grabbing three sodas. A Root-beer for herself, a Club Soda for Waverly, and a Sprite for Nicole. “To Waverly, for not letting that selfish asshole ruin her life.”

“Here, here,” both Waverly and Nicole say in unison, holding up their bottles.

—

The whole scene of Waverly walking down the stairs in her dress is in slow motion. Nicole’s completely awestruck. Waverly has on a rather short, navy blue dress. It hugs her waist just right and flares at the bottom. She put her hair up in a neat bun with two braids on the side.

“Holy smokes,” Nicole breathes out as she watches Waverly walk down the stairs.

Wynonna elbows her in the side. “Keep it together, Haught,” she says.

Nicole clears her throat.

Waverly stops right in front of Nicole. “What do you think?” She asks.

Nicole’s sure she stops breathing for a moment. “You look…” she tries, but her words fail her. “You’re so…” she stops, silently begging herself to spit it out already. “My gosh, Waves, you’re so unbelievably…”

“Yeah?” Waverly questions, a smile on her face and a blush creeping up her cheeks.

Nicole nods. “Yeah,” she says.

“Okay, let’s get going,” Wynonna says.

Nicole ignores Wynonna. “You sure you’re not going to be cold?” She asks Waverly.

“I’ve got my long coat,” Waverly tells her.

“Okay,” Nicole says. She digs her car keys out of her pocket. “Shall we?”

“Ever the charmer,” Wynonna gushes teasingly.

“Take a hike,” Nicole says as she opens the door.

“Take care of my girls, Nicole,” Gus says from the kitchen.

“Will do, Gus,” Nicole assures her. She holds the door open for Waverly and Wynonna and she stares into the empty entryway. If Curtis were here, he’d be taking pictures of them and he’d pull Nicole aside to give her a talk on how to properly treat girls and people in general. He did that before every middle school dance she and Wynonna had. Well, the one’s he was he for that is.

“You coming, Haught?” Wynonna asks from the driveway.

“Yeah,” Nicole says, staring a moment more before she turns and shuts the door. “I’m right behind you, Earp.”

—

When they pull up to Nicole’s dad’s cabin, the driveway and the grass surrounding it is filled with cars. Nicole’s almost sure that Mercedes invited way more people than Nicole told her to. Frankly, though, she can’t find it in herself to care because Waverly’s looking at her in the rearview mirror and it makes Nicole’s heart sing.

“C’mon, losers,” Wynonna says, opening the door. She huffs when the bottom of her dress gets caught on the side of the door. “Haught, a little help.”

Nicole shuts off her car and quickly gets out. She fast walks over to the other side of her car and helps untangle Wynonna’s dress from the side of the door. “I gotcha, Earp,” she says.

Waverly gets out of the car and links her arm in Nicole’s. Wynonna links her arm in Nicole’s other arm.

_My girls_ , Nicole thinks.

“C’mon, team HaughtEarp,” Wynonna says as the three of them walk towards the front door. “Let’s go raise some hell and ring in the New Year right.”

When they walk inside, the music is booming and everyone’s already dancing with champagne glasses in their hands. Nicole’s not even going to ask who brought the alcohol or how they got it.

“The booze are calling my name,” Wynonna says, unlinking her arm from Nicole’s and making her way towards the kitchen.

“This cabin is huge,” Waverly says as she takes it all in. “It’s like a mansion. How come you never talk about this place?”

Nicole shrugs. “My mom and I used to come here a lot during the summer,” she says. “I just never thought to mention it.”

“Perry and Chrissy sure do know how to decorate,” Waverly says.

Nicole nods. “It looks amazing,” she says. “And there’s good music playing. Chrissy must’ve got the playlist I sent her.”

“You and your music,” Waverly says, smiling.

_You’re music to my eyes, Waverly Earp._ “Champ’s a fool, you know?” She says.

Waverly unlinks her arm from Nicole’s so she can take off her coat. “He’s not all bad,” she says, hanging up her coat. “He does have a sweet side, believe it or not.”

“Or not,” Nicole says.

“I don’t wanna talk about Champ right now,” Waverly says. “You promised me you’d dance with me, remember?”

Nicole pulls at the collar of her suit. It’s an all black one with a rose gold tie. “We only just got here, Waves,” she says. “Don’t you think we should mingle first or something?” Suddenly dancing really close with Waverly seems too hard right now. Nicole doesn’t trust herself. She doesn’t want to admit her feels for Waverly to her just yet. Especially not on the same day that Waverly and Champ broke up. _She doesn’t even like you back,_ Nicole reminds herself.

“I guess so,” Waverly says. She fixes Nicole’s tie. “Save me a dance, though.” She doesn’t even have to stand on her tiptoes to kiss Nicole on the cheek because she has heels on tonight.

Nicole’s breath hitches and she wipes her sweaty palms on the side of her suit pants. “I’m gonna go find Mercedes,” she pushes out. “And ask her who all of these strangers are.” She quickly walks away and into the kitchen, where Wynonna is on her fifth shot of the night.

“Hiya, Haught,” Wynonna says. “Vodka?”

Nicole shakes her head. “I’ll take a beer, if there is any,” she says.

Perry tosses her a longneck bottle of beer. “Got these especially for you,” he tells Nicole.

Nicole smiles. “Thanks, Per,” she says before popping the cap and taking a long swig of it. “Does anyone know who all of these people are?”

“They’re my friends,” Mercedes says as she walks into the kitchen. “Some of them go to college up North and some of them go to Liberty High in the Big City.”

“College boys,” Wynonna says, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Wynonna,” Nicole warns. “What about Doc?” She asks quietly.

Wynonna takes another shot. “Who knows if Doc is even going to show up to this thing,” she says.

Nicole rolls her eyes. “I’m gonna go see where Dolls is,” she says.

“Wait, Nicole,” Mercedes says, catching Nicole’s arm. “Thank you for letting us have a party at your dad’s cabin. I really do appreciate it.”

Nicole takes in Mercedes’ long, gold dress. “Of course, Mercedes,” she says. “You look beautiful by the way.”

Mercedes grins. “You look dashing,” she says. “Now if you’ll excuse me. I have a certain someone saving a dance for me.”

Nicole raises her beer bottle up as she watches Mercedes walk out of the kitchen. She excuses herself, too, and goes to look for Dolls. She finds him break dancing in the middle of a circle that some people formed. She laughs and cheers him on for a moment before she makes her way to the other side of the room where Chrissy and Waverly are talking.

“Thank you for decorating, Chris,” Nicole says.

“No problem, Nicole,” Chrissy says, smiling.

“This place is rockin’,” Jeremy says as he approaches them. He’s got on a tux with a bowtie to match. “Bitchin’,” he adds. “Kickin’.”

“You sure are nervous, Jer,” Nicole says. “Relax. It’s just a party.”

“It was just a kiss, Nicole,” Waverly had said after Nicole had confronted her about seeing her kissing Champ.

“I’m nervous about the whole kissing at midnight thing,” Jeremy says. “And I don’t even know if we’re officially together or not.”

“Just ask,” Chrissy says.

“It’s so hot in here,” Jeremy says, fanning himself with his hand. “Is anyone else hot?”

“Okay, Jer,” Waverly says, grabbing both of Jeremy’s shoulders. “It’s gonna be okay. You’re going to go and dance with Robin and hold him tight. Then you’re going to kiss him at midnight and ask him to be your boyfriend. Do you hear me?” She glances at Nicole.

Nicole takes a long pull from her beer.

Jeremy nods. “Okay, got it,” he says before he straightens his bowtie. “Thank you, Waves.”

“Remedy” by Adele comes on and Jeremy rubs his hands together.

“Here I go,” he says. “Wish me luck.”

“Good luck,” the three of them say.

_“I remember all of the things that I thought I wanted to be,”_ Adele sings. _“So desperate to find a way out of my world and finally breathe.”_

Waverly’s eyeing her and Nicole’s glued to the floor.

“Do you think Perry’s gonna ask me to dance?” Chrissy asks as she looks at her nails. They’re painted maroon to match her dress.

“You could ask him to dance,” Nicole points out.

“Yeah, Chrissy, we’re all about challenging gender norms,” Waverly says.

“You’re right,” Chrissy says. “Okay, I’m gonna do it.”

“Go get ‘em, Chris,” Waverly encourages.

Chrissy chugs the champagne in the glass she’s holding before she walks away.

“So about that dance,” Waverly says.

_“Right before my eyes I saw,”_ Adele sings. _“My heart, it came to life. This ain’t easy. It’s not mean to be. Every story has its scars.”_

“I’m gonna go get another beer,” Nicole says.

“Nicole,” Waverly says.

Nicole sighs.

“Look, if you don’t wanna dance with me, all you gotta do is say so,” Waverly says, evident hurt in her voice. Her voice sounds so small that it breaks Nicole’s heart.

“Of course I wanna dance with you, Waves,” Nicole says, setting her beer down on a near table and offering her hand out to Waverly. “I’d be crazy not to.”

_“But when the pain cuts you deep and the night keeps you from sleeping,”_ Adele sings as Waverly and Nicole make their way to where everyone is dancing. _“Just look and you will see that I will be your remedy.”_

Waverly loops her arms around Nicole’s neck and Nicole’s shaky hands rest on Waverly’s waist. They’re so close that Nicole can smell Waverly’s perfume. Waverly’s smiling at her like Nicole holds the sun in the sky and it makes Nicole uneasy because she doesn’t deserve to be looked at like that.

“You look so beautiful tonight, Waves,” Nicole says. “And the way your eyes are shining in this dim light is breathtaking.”

Waverly beams. “You sure know how to talk a girl up,” she says.

“Everything I’m saying is true,” Nicole says, squeezing Waverly’s hips gently. “You’re always so beautiful. You can brighten any room just by smiling. You were meant to shine, Waves.”

“You said that before,” Waverly says.

“And I’ll say it a thousand times more,” Nicole tells her.

_“When the world seems so cruel and your heart makes you feel like a fool, I promise you will see that I will be, I will be your remedy.”_

Waverly plays with the ends of Nicole’s hair and it sends a shiver down Nicole’s spine. “You’re so sweet,” she says.

Nicole must be buzzed off of that one beer she had because she pulls Waverly closer and nuzzles into Waverly’s neck. “You’re the greatest thing to ever happen to me,” she breathes into Waverly’s neck and thankfully Waverly can’t hear her over the music.

“Who are you going to kiss at midnight?” Waverly asks Nicole.

Nicole lifts her head back up and looks at Waverly. “I’m not sure,” she says. “I mean, Wynonna asked me to kiss her midnight.”

“What? She did?” Waverly asks and she pulls slightly on Nicole’s hair.

Nicole winces. “Ow,” she says. “Waves, my hair.”

Waverly lets go of Nicole’s hair. “Sorry,” she says. “Are you going to kiss her?”

Nicole shrugs. “It’s just a kiss, right?” She says.

“Sure,” Waverly mumbles.

“If you don’t want me to kiss her, I won’t kiss her,” Nicole says.

“Why wouldn’t I want you to kiss her?” Waverly asks. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Okay,” Nicole says.

“So you’re just going to kiss her?” Waverly asks, raising her eyebrows.

Nicole furrows her eyebrows. “You just said it wasn’t a big deal,” she says.

“Well, I didn’t mean it,” Waverly says.

“Why’s it matter?” Nicole asks. “It’s not like Wynonna and I are together.”

“It matters because-“

“Nicole!” Wynonna shouts as she walks out of the kitchen. “Dude, you have to come take some of these peppermint shots.”

Nicole sighs.

“Go,” Waverly says, untangling herself from Nicole.

“Waves,” Nicole tries.

“ _Go_ ,” Waverly says more urgently. “I’m gonna go use the bathroom. Could you get me some champagne?”

“For sure,” Nicole says before she disappears into the crowd. She finds Wynonna and Wynonna shoves a shot glass into her hand.

“Take it,” Wynonna says, her words slurring together.

“Wynonna, I think you need to slow down,” Nicole says.

“I’m fine,” Wynonna says. “Doc still isn’t here.”

Nicole takes the shot with ease. “I’m sure he’ll turn up,” she says.

“Did you like that shot?” Wynonna asks.

Nicole nods. “It’s like drinking Christmas,” she tells Wynonna.

Wynonna smiles sloppily. “I’m gonna go get you some more,” she says and before Nicole can tell her no, Wynonna’s already gone.

Nicole grabs two glasses of champagne and heads towards the bathroom. She stops dead in her tracks, though, when she sees Waverly up against the wall, talking to Champ. Nicole stands there and watches them; watches as Champ places his hands on Waverly’s waist like she did not too long ago. When Champ leans into kiss Waverly, Nicole stops breathing and drops the champagne glasses onto the ground. The sound of glass breaking echos in Nicole’s ears and her eyes fill with tears.

What’s even worse is Waverly is too caught up in Champ that she doesn’t even see Nicole standing there. Nicole’s frozen in place, watching the two of them make out. Nicole feels her world crumble to pieces and she has to use the railing of the staircase to keep herself upright.

_“Everybody around me is fallin’ in love to our song,”_ Lauv sings.

Nicole bolts for the door and doesn’t stop running until she’s somewhere in the middle of the woods. She hunches over and tries to catch her breath, but everything is spinning. She collapses to the ground and doesn’t even wince when her head hits a stick. The coldness of the snow makes her feel numb and she likes it.

She lays there crying until she can’t feel anything. She hears her name being called, but she doesn’t move. She recognizes the voice. It’s Chrissy’s.

“Nicole!” Comes Chrissy’s voice again, closer this time.

Nicole sits up and wipes her eyes. She stands up and walks back to the cabin where Chrissy’s standing on the edge of the woods.

“Nicole,” Chrissy says, worry in her voice. “What happened? Your suit jacket is ripped on the side.”

Nicole’s chin quivers and she bites her bottom lip.

“Nicole,” Chrissy pleads softly. “Hey, what’s going on?”

Nicole shakes her head. “I’m such a fucking idiot,” she says.

“Nicole-“

“I’m so tired, Chrissy,” Nicole cries, her voice cracking. “I’m so fucking tired. I really thought she…Gosh, I can’t do it anymore.”

“Can you please explain?” Chrissy asks.

“Forget it,” Nicole spits out. She brushes past Chrissy and heads back inside.

“There you are,” Waverly says when she sees Nicole walk back inside. “I was worried. Where’d you go?” She reaches out to grab Nicole’s hand, but Nicole flinches away.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” Nicole says harshly.

“Whoa,” Wynonna says.

“Nicole,” Waverly says, concern laced in her voice.

Nicole’s eyes dart to Champ standing in the corner of the room, a red solo cup in his hand. He’s leaning up against the wall talking to some guy. Nicole’s fists clench and she looks back at Waverly. “I’m done,” she barks out.

“What’re you talking about?” Waverly asks, looking at Wynonna briefly before looking back at Nicole.

Nicole blinks away the tears forming in her eyes. “I’m done,” she says again before she turns and walks away. She goes into the kitchen and finds those peppermint shots that Wynonna was talking about earlier. She takes five shots and winces after each one.

“Haught?” Wynonna says as she walks into the kitchen. Her eyes are glossy and her hair is a little misplaced. Most likely from the dancing she’s been doing with all of the college boys she can get her hands on. It’s close to midnight and still no sign of Doc.

Nicole grabs a beer out of the refrigerator. “I’m fine, Wynonna,” she says, but her voice catches on the last word.

“Champ’s here,” Wynonna says slowly.

Nicole leans against the counter and looks down at the floor. “I know,” she says.

“I can tell him to leave,” Wynonna offers.

“No,” Nicole says, shaking her head. “Waverly wants him here.”

“I’m sorry, Nicole,” Wynonna says. “I really don’t know what babygirl sees in him.” She sighs. “I saw the two of you dancing. It was real cute, almost like you guys were made to dance like that.”

Nicole sucks in a breath and takes a sip of her beer. “We weren’t,” she says, a sense of hurt in her voice. “I don’t even like her like that so stop talking about it.” She moves to walk out of the kitchen, but Wynonna grabs her arm.

“So now you’re just going to lie to yourself?” Wynonna asks Nicole.

Nicole pulls her arm out of Wynonna’s grasp. “Leave me alone,” she barks.

“Don’t shut me out,” Wynonna pleads. “I know that things between you and Waverly are on the rocks right now, but-“

“But nothing,” Nicole says, interrupting Wynonna. “There’s nothing between Waverly and me. Drop it.” She storms out of the kitchen and walks over to the other side of the room behind a crowd of people.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Some girl says to Nicole as she walks up to her. She’s got medium length, brown hair and she’s wearing a striking red dress.

“Thanks,” Nicole says flatly, staring off into space. Her eyes focus somewhere between the champagne table and the group of people standing near it.

“You wanna dance?” The girl asks, smiling widely at Nicole.

Nicole looks at the girl and sighs. She’s beautiful and she seems sweet, but she’s not Waverly. “You don’t wanna dance with me,” she says.

“Of course I do,” the girl says.

Nicole takes a long pull from her beer. “Look, you seem really nice and I appreciate you asking me to dance, but I’ve got a lot of stuff going on right now,” Nicole tells the girl. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re very pretty, but I’m just not in a place to do anything with anyone right now.”

“Well, at least you’re not an ass,” the girl says and Nicole laughs softly. “My name is Shae by the way.”

“Nicole,” Nicole tells Shae. “Nicole Haught.”

“That fits,” Shae says, winking.

“What’s your last name, Shae?” Nicole asks.

“Pressman,” Shae tells Nicole. “Do you got to Purgatory High?”

Nicole nods. “I’m assuming you go to Liberty High,” she guesses. “I haven’t seen you around here.”

“Yeah, I’m a Junior there,” Shae tells Nicole.

“I’m a Sophomore,” Nicole says. She locks eyes with Waverly across the room. Champ’s right next to her, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

“So what’s your story, Nicole Haught?” Shae asks.

Nicole looks away from Waverly and back at Shae. “I’m going to need a lot more alcohol before I tell you my story,” she says.

Shae laughs. “That complicated, eh?” She says.

Nicole nods, her head tilted back a little as she takes a sip of her beer. “I’m emotionally unavailable, as they say,” she tells Shae.

“I like a good challenge,” Shae purrs, leaning in closer to Nicole.

Nicole lets out a shaky breath. “Oh,” she says.

Shae grins. “You’re adorable,” she says.

Nicole rubs the back of her neck and chances a glance at Waverly, who is looking directly at her with something fierce in her eyes. It’s almost a glare, but there’s also some concern in it. Nicole doesn’t think much of it and turns her attention back to Shae. “And you seem like a cool girl,” she tells Shae.

“Why do you keep looking at that girl over there?” Shae asks, looking at Waverly, then back at Nicole. “Are you two together or something?”

“No,” Nicole says quickly. “No, we’re uh…we’re friends.”

Shae nods. “Oh, okay,” she says. “Well, if you change your mind about that dance, you know where to find me.”

Nicole watches Shae walk away and leans back against the wall. She finishes off her beer and watches Wynonna dance with some guy. She shakes her head and groans. This is so not how this night was supposed to go. Wynonna was supposed to be with Doc and Nicole was supposed to be by Waverly’s side the whole night.

Nicole makes her way outside and dials Doc’s number. It rings a few times before Doc’s rusty voice comes through the speaker of Nicole’s phone.

“Nicole,” Doc says, “what can I do you for?”

“Where in the hell are you, Doc?” Nicole barks into the phone.

Doc clears his throat. “I am working on my car,” he tells Nicole.

Nicole rolls her eyes. “You’re supposed to be at the New Year’s Party, you asshat,” she says.

“I do not think you need to call me names,” Doc says. “Wynonna doesn’t want me there.”

“Yes, she does,” Nicole tells him. “She’s been waiting for you to walk through the door the entire night. She wants you here, Doc.”

“She did not act like she cared if I came or not,” Doc says.

“It’s Wynonna,” Nicole says. “She always acts like she doesn’t care. Now you need to get your ass over here and make sure that she has the greatest night of her life.”

“I will need to shower,” Doc says. “I am filthy from working on my car.”

“You just need to be here before midnight,” Nicole says before she hangs up and puts her phone back into her pocket. She turns on the balls of her feet to walk back into the cabin, but a fiery force stops her.

“You gonna tell me what’s going on?” Waverly asks, her jaw clenched.

Nicole shakes her head. “I really don’t wanna talk to you right now,” she huffs.

“Seriously? What’s your problem, Nicole?” Waverly asks, rage creeping up her throat. “I mean, one minute you’re dancing with me and the next you’re telling me not to touch you.”

“You’re my problem,” Nicole spits out.

“I’m your problem?” Waverly asks, pointing at herself and raising her eyebrows.

“Yes,” Nicole says. “I know you’re back with Champ.”

“So what?” Waverly says.

“Exactly,” Nicole says, her teeth grinding together. “Look, I’m done, okay?”

“You’re done with what?” Waverly asks.

Nicole just stares at Waverly, her eyes glossing over with tears. She can’t find any words to say and her chin starts to quiver just a little. She chews on the inside of her cheek to try and stop it.

“You’re done with me?” Waverly asks slowly, her voice breaking on the last word.

Nicole hasn’t felt this level of hurt since her mom left. There’s an empty hole in her heart and she’s sure it’s on the verge of shattering. “I just need some space,” she tells Waverly.

_“You’re my all and more. All I know you taught me, yeah. You’re my all and more but I need room to breathe, yeah,”_ Lauv sings in Nicole’s head.

“So you’re just going to stop talking to me?” Waverly asks.

Nicole shrugs. “Everything is just so fucked up right now,” she tells Waverly. “I’m mentally exhausted, Waves. I think I’m just gonna drive up to the Big City and see my dad for New Year’s. If I drive fast, I can make it in time.”

“Hey, I know this time of year is hard for you,” Waverly says softly, walking closer to Nicole. She reaches out and rubs her thumb across Nicole’s cheek. “I know you’re still so sad about your mom leaving, but please don’t shut me out.”

Nicole flinches away from Waverly’s touch. “What do you care, huh?” She says, her voice harsh. “You’ve been too busy shoving your tongue down that doofus’ throat to notice anything.”

“Why does it bother you so much that I’m with Champ?” Waverly asks, her eyes narrowing at Nicole.

Nicole shoves her hands into the pockets of her suit pants. “It doesn’t,” she says. “You go and be happy with Champ and I’ll go and be happy with-“

“That girl you were talking to earlier?” Waverly questions, cutting Nicole off.

“With myself,” Nicole tells Waverly. “And with Wynonna.”

“Whatever, Nicole,” Waverly says. “You know, one day you’re gonna have to let me in. You never talk to me about anything that’s bothering you. Instead, you do this. You push me away and, what, suddenly we need a break? Fuck you, Nicole. You want a break? Well, I’ll do you one better. Never talk to me again.” She storms back into the cabin and Nicole’s left standing there with her heart on the ground.

—

Back inside, Nicole tries to focus on anything that isn’t Waverly. She doesn’t even so much as glance Waverly’s way. She drinks and drinks until the room turns fuzzy. Wynonna asks her dance and the two of them fling around the dance floor, stuck between being on beat and off beat.

“It’s about time you let loose, Haught,” Wynonna shouts over the music.

Nicole drunkenly smiles. “It feels good not to feel anything,” she tells Wynonna.

“Why do you think I like being drunk all of the time?” Wynonna asks.

Nicole attempts to dance on beat to the song and she laughs when Wynonna starts doing the sprinkler. She stops laughing, though, when she sees Waverly dancing on Champ. She stops dancing altogether and just stares at Champ and Waverly.

The song changes to a slower song and Wynonna offers her hand to Nicole.

“Dance with me, Haught,” Wynonna says.

But Nicole can’t look away from Champ and Waverly.

“Nicole,” Wynonna says.

Nicole has the sudden urge to bolt. “I can’t,” she pushes out. “I’m sorry.” She walks as fast as she can outside and puts her hands on her head.

“Nicole,” comes Doc’s voice.

Nicole’s head snaps to where his voice is coming from. “Doc,” she says.

“Where is Wynonna?” He asks, taking off his Stetson.

“She’s inside,” Nicole tells him.

“Are you alright?” He asks.

Nicole nods. “I’m great,” she says.

Doc doesn’t push. Instead, he excuses himself and walks inside.

Nicole leans her head up against the side of the cabin and hits it with the palm of her hand. “You’re such a fucking idiot, Haught,” she tells herself.

“Nicole.”

Nicole turns around and sighs. “Hey, Chrissy,” she says.

“You okay?” Chrissy asks.

Nicole clenches her fists. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?” She asks. “I’m fine.”

“You’re clearly not,” Chrissy says, rubbing her hands up and down her arms in order to try and warm herself. With the night getting older, it’s getting colder as well. There’s a slight flurry, too.

Nicole runs her hand through her hair. “I’m fine. Seriously,” she says. “I just need some more alcohol.”

“I think you’ve had enough of that,” Chrissy says. “Why do you always have to act like nothing bothers you? You’re allowed to feel things, Nicole.”

“I don’t like voicing my feelings,” Nicole tells Chrissy.

“Well, you need to start voicing them,” Chrissy says. “You’re driving yourself mad. I mean, what was that earlier when you came walking out of the woods?”

Nicole shrugs. “Nothing,” she says.

Chrissy lets out a long, hard breath and starts to walk back towards the front door. “You can’t keep pushing people away,” she tells Nicole. “If you keep it up, you’re not going to have anyone.”

“My mom left,” Nicole says just as Chrissy’s hand covers the handle on the door. “She left six months ago. The holidays have been hard without her here.” She sighs and watches as Chrissy walks back over to her. “Waverly’s back with Champ and…” she trails off, trying to keep herself from crying. “And I think she’s in love with him. And she told me to never talk to her again because I told her I need space.” She kicks at the grass and lets out a choked sob. “And I can’t even dance with that cute girl in there because I’m still waiting for Waverly. After all these years, I’m still waiting on her because I’ve always been weak when it comes to her. And I keep telling myself to just get over, to just move on, but I can’t.” She shakes her head and bites down on her bottom lip. “I keep trying to convince myself that I don’t have feelings for her, but who am I kidding? I’d crawl across the world on my knees for her and she probably won’t ever know that because she’s falling in love with Champ and I’m…I’m just me.” She looks at Chrissy just as tears make their way down her face. “It’s taken me all this time to realize that I’ll always be Waverly’s, even if she’ll never be mine. Do you know how fucking heartbreaking that is? She’s the sun and I’m just the selfish fool taking up all of her rays. And I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want to…”

“You don’t want to what?” Chrissy asks.

“I don’t want to feel anything for her anymore,” Nicole admits, more tears falling from her eyes.

Chrissy offers a comforting hand and Nicole takes it. “I think you should talk to her,” she says.

“She told me to never talk to her again,” Nicole reminds Chrissy.

“So you’re just going to listen to her?” Chrissy asks, raising her eyebrows.

“I’ve always listened to everything she says,” Nicole says.

“Well, we should go back inside and you should ask that cute girl to dance,” Chrissy says. “If you want to get over Waverly, you’re going to have to move on.”

“Shae doesn’t want to be bothered with me,” Nicole says. “She’s too good to be ruined by me.”

“You can’t just spend your whole life waiting for Waverly,” Chrissy tells her.

“Fine,” Nicole huffs. “You want me to go and ask Shae to dance? Consider your wish granted.” She rushes back inside the cabin and scans the room for Shae. When she finds her dancing with some other girl, Nicole’s heart sinks further down into her chest. She swallows the scream creeping up her throat and goes to the kitchen to get more alcohol.

She drinks until the entire crowd of people dancing becomes one, big blob. She smiles and stumbles across the floor, attempting to dance and sing along to the songs playing. She’s pretty sure that she sees Wynonna and Doc dancing, but, then again, she could be wrong because she can’t exactly see straight.

As everyone counts down to the New Year, Nicole stands in the corner and spaces off. When the countdown gets to one second, Nicole closes her eyes. She doesn’t want to risk seeing Champ and Waverly kissing.

She opens her eyes when someone taps on her shoulder.

“Wynonna,” Nicole breathes out, a half smile on her face.

“Happy New Year, Haught,” Wynonna says. She places a gentle kiss on Nicole’s cheek. “Let’s make it a good one, yeah?”

“Happy New Year, Earp,” Nicole says, her words slurring together. “We should some more of those peppermint shots.”

Wynonna laughs softly. “Sure, bub,” she says. “Whatever you want.”

“Did you kiss Doc?” Nicole asks.

Wynonna nods. “I did,” she says.

“So are the two of you together?” Nicole asks.

Wynonna shrugs. “I’m not sure,” she says. “He told me that you called him and told him to get his head out of his ass.”

“He cares about you,” Nicole tells Wynonna.

“Thank you,” Wynonna says, “for calling him, I mean.”

“Of course,” Nicole says. “I’ve always got your back, Earp.”

“Let’s go take some more of those peppermint shots,” Wynonna says. “And dance until we can’t feel our feet.”

“Lead the way,” Nicole slurs.

—

Nicole doesn’t remember much after that. She’s almost positive that she and Wynonna drank the rest of those peppermint shots and then played beer pong. She knows that Wynonna dragged her out to the dance floor, but Nicole lost her after that.

Now, some girl is dancing all on Nicole and Nicole’s just letting it happen. She’s moving back and forth with a drunken smile on her face. The girl is pressed up against her and whispering something in her ear that Nicole can’t quite make out.

“I’m glad you decided to dance with me,” Nicole’s pretty sure that the girl says.

Nicole furrows her eyebrows, but places her hands on the girl’s waist. “I told you that I was gonna dance with you, Waves,” she says.

The girl stops dancing and just stares at Nicole. “Who’s Waves?” She asks.

Nicole goes blank. “Uh,” she says, trying to find something to say. “I can’t…I can’t do this.” She tries to run, but she ends up falling over her own feet and stumbles to the ground. Thankfully, everyone is either too caught up in each other or too drunk to notice. She gets up and fumbles to her bedroom. When she opens the door, her eyes go wide at the sight she sees before her.

“Nicole,” Waverly says, panting. Her hair is a mess and her dress is hiked up.

Nicole narrows her eyes at Champ, who is on top of Waverly. “This…this is my bedroom,” she says slowly.

“Sorry, Haught,” Champ says, but Nicole knows he’s not sorry in the slightest. He has a smug grin on his face. “Do you mind, though? We’re kind of in the middle of something.”

“Get off of her,” Nicole tells Champ, her hands balling into fists.

“Nicole,” Waverly warns.

“If you don’t get off of her right now,” Nicole says, walking closer to the bed, “then I’m going to strangle you with my bare hands.”

“Nicole, stop,” Waverly warns again.

“Get outta here,” Champ tells Nicole.

Nicole charges at him. She has all of the intent in the world to grab him and throw him off of Waverly, but she doesn’t ever reach him. As soon as she gets close to the bed, everything goes black and she falls to the ground.

“Wow,” sixth-grade Waverly had breathed out, a smile on her face. “You look good in a tux.”

“You’re so charming, Nicole,” eighth-grade Waverly had said.

“This is our song,” seventh-grade Waverly had told Nicole when the two of them were dancing in the living room to LANY’s “Pancakes.”

“Could you walk me home?” Fifth grade Waverly had asked Nicole. “I feel safe when you’re near.”

“You look really good with short hair,” Waverly had said just a few months ago. “Like really, really good.”

“‘ _Ooh, ooh, hoo,’ that’s the way my heart feels,”_ Nicole sings as she finally starts to wake up. She slowly blinks as her eyes tries to focus on Waverly staring down at her.

“Is she awake?” Nicole hears Wynonna ask.

“What a beautiful sight to wake up to,” Nicole says.

Wynonna walks over to Nicole and looks down at Nicole. “You blacked out, Haught,” she tells Nicole. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Waverly Earp,” Nicole breathes out, “smiling at me from her front porch.”

“What?” Waverly asks.

Nicole tries to sit up. “Um,” she stammers, her voice wavering. “I mean…”

“That was years ago,” Waverly tells Nicole.

Nicole rubs the back of her neck. “I need water,” she says as she gets off of the bed. “Where is everyone?”

“They left,” Wynonna tells her. “Oh, and that Shae girl left her number for you.”

Nicole looks at Waverly before looking back at Wynonna. “She did?” She asks.

Wynonna nods and hands Nicole a napkin with neat handwriting on it. “Here,” she says.

Nicole looks at the napkin and tucks it into her pocket. “Wait,” she says, looking at Waverly. “Champ was on top of you. You guys were in my bed.”

Waverly looks down sheepishly.

Wynonna lets out a humorless laugh. “See what you did, babygirl?” She says to Waverly. “You nearly killed Haught because of your stupid hormones.”

“You told me to never talk to you again,” Nicole says.

Waverly crosses her arms over her chest. “You said you needed space,” she says.

“You were fucking Champ Hardy in my bed,” Nicole pushes out.

“You were letting that Shae girl grind on you,” Waverly argues.

“This is exactly why I said I needed space,” Nicole barks. “I’m sick and tired of fighting with you over everything.”

“Okay, guys, I think we all need to calm down,” Wynonna tries to intervene. “C’mon, I think there’s some cake left in the fridge.”

“You’re the one who starts the fights,” Waverly tells Nicole, ignoring Wynonna.

“That’s rich,” Nicole says, shaking her head. “You’re pissed because Shae and I were dancing.”

“You’re pissed because Champ and I were having sex,” Waverly spits out.

“Because you were on my bed!” Nicole yells, slamming her hand down on her nightstand.

“Guys, seriously,” Wynonna tries again.

“I didn’t know that it was your bed,” Waverly defends.

“Right,” Nicole says, her hands dropping to her sides. “Because the basketball trophies setting on my dresser and the big ’N’ hanging on the wall didn’t make it obvious enough for you.”

“I wasn’t exactly paying attention to the décor,” Waverly tells her.

“That’s your problem, Waverly,” Nicole says. “You’re too busy being caught up in that weasel that you can’t even notice anything else around you.”

“He’s my boyfriend, Nicole,” Waverly reminds her. “I have to pay attention to him.”

“Nicole, let’s go take a walk, okay?” Wynonna says.

“What about me?!” Nicole shouts, her eyes filling with tears. There’s a beat of silence and all Nicole can hear are the sounds of the three of them breathing. “What about me, huh?” Nicole asks again, her emotions getting the best of her. “You’ve been so caught up in Champ that you can’t even see that…” she trails off, swallowing hard. “After my mom left, I told you that I needed you and you disappeared.”

“Nicole,” Waverly tries.

“No, let me finish,” Nicole says. “And then tonight, you were all over me. When we were dancing, I was thinking to myself, ‘wow, she’s finally figured it out,’ but no. All it took was for me to leave the room for one second for you to stick your tongue down his throat, as if he hadn’t broken your heart just hours before.” She sighs and blinks the tears away. “All this time, I could feel you slowly slipping away from me. And maybe some space is what we need. Maybe that will make it easier for me to let you go.”

“Let me go?” Waverly asks, furrowing her eyebrows. “What, you’re just going to walk out of my life? Do I seriously mean that little to you?”

Nicole sniffles and allows tears to spill from her eyes. “No, you mean that much to me,” she says before she walks out of her bedroom. She walks upstairs and into the guest bedroom. She undoes her tie and throws it on the bed. She falls onto the bed and covers her eyes with her arm.

She fishes in her pocket and pulls out the napkin with Shae’s number on it. She runs her hand over the neat handwriting and contemplates ripping it up.

“Are you guys together or something?” Shae had asked her.

Nicole shakes the thought from her head. She and Waverly were never together, but this sure does feel like a break up.

She pulls out her phone and dials the number. She sits up in the bed and pinches the bridge of her nose as the listens to the ringing. Shae doesn’t answer so Nicole decides to leave her a voicemail.

“Hey, Shae,” Nicole says into the phone. “It’s, uh, it’s Nicole from the New Year’s party. I was just calling to let you know that I think you’re super pretty and cool. I don’t know if that’s lame of me to say or not.” She lets out a breathy laugh. “Anyway, I was wondering if I could buy you a cup of coffee sometime. Um…have a good night.” She hangs up the phone and sets it down next to her.

Chrissy was right. The first step to getting over Waverly is to move on.

A piece of her doesn’t want to move on. She wants to go back downstairs and declare her love for Waverly, but she can’t do that.

Maybe Shae is the one she’s supposed to be with.

Maybe.

Maybe not.


End file.
